If your child shares something concerning, here is what to do

The first 5 minutes

1. 1

   Stay calm. Visibly.

   Your child is watching how you react before they decide whether they can keep telling you. A measured face, a soft voice, full attention. Whatever you are feeling, that comes later.

2. 2

   Listen first. Do not fix.

   Resist every urge to interrupt, problem-solve or warn. Say very little. The phrase that works almost every time is, “Thank you for telling me. Take your time.”

3. 3

   Do not make them show you the screen yet.

   If a screenshot or message exists, it can be saved. Looking at it together this minute is rarely the priority. Believing them is.

4. 4

   Do not promise to keep it secret.

   If a safety concern is involved, you cannot honour that. Be honest, “I will not punish you for this. If anyone is in danger, I might need to talk to one other adult to help us. We will decide that together.”

5. 5

   Decide the next 24 hours together.

   Not a 12-step plan. One next step. A trusted adult to call. A device to put down. A note kept of what happened. That is enough for tonight.

Who to call

If life is in immediate danger, call 999 (UK), 911 (US), 000 (Australia), 112 (most of Europe), or your local emergency number.

What NOT to do

• ×Do not delete anything. Screenshots, messages, account names. Save what is there in case it is needed.
• ×Do not contact whoever caused harm directly. Even if you know them. Especially if you know them.
• ×Do not confiscate the device as a punishment in the same conversation. Right now, removing the device removes the way they can keep talking to you.
• ×Do not promise it will be fine. You do not know that yet. “We will work this out together” is honest. “It will be fine” is not.
• ×Do not search for what happened to them online tonight. The internet rarely calms a parent at 11pm.